Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
"it" just moved
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
