I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
