I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
