Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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