Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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