I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
