I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
