dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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