we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
