The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
