If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
