i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
