thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
