What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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