I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
