god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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