Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im holly from the hills drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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