If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
