Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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