This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
