Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
