I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
