If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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