I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
