Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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