he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
