She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
