My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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