I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize