I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
