so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
