ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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