Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
