I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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