You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
