I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
