I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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