I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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