I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
