Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
