I could make wine with my vomit
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize