i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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