Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
