We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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