i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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