It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
