So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
