If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you win again, gameday.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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