alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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