The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
