You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
