I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
