just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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