I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
