The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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