I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
