I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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