People in love make me want to vomit
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
